NLWF Presents:
The Federation that promises to blow your mind as we lead the golden age of Pro Wrestling into the future! The No Limit Wrestling Federation is like no other, where you will be given limitless opportunities to excel fast as you compete in the Land of No Limits, fighting in the best Blood Sport on Earth!

NLWF accepts anyone brave enough to take the Walk of Fame, the first steps on the path to Immortality, but warns: Enter at Your Own Risk!

No restrictions, no boundaries, no limits, just the sport the way it should be!

Welcome and allow me to introduce you to four letters that will change your life, NLWF!

“IMMORTAL IS THE NLWF STANDARD OF QUALITY”

The OWN Review

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The OWN Review

Post by Rick Christian on February 1st 2011, 1:56 pm








#1 - Chris Matthews
Disciplined. Determined. Dominant. The three words to best describe Chris Matthews, who in two months has done what his little brother never accomplished in two years: Be known as “The Best.” He’s remained undefeated since November, and has decimated everyone thrown at him. Now with Brandon gone, is there anyone on the roster that can stand up to the self-proclaimed “Definition of Discipline?”

#2 - Nick Ridicule
Retirement hurts, especially if you’re Nick Ridicule. He returned, looking to terminate the undefeated streak of Brandon Macdonald, only for the latter to head for the hills with his streak still in tact. Regardless, resurrecting something as great as NLWF, even against someone like Gunther, is good enough to land a top spot…or, if you prefer, consider it giving Nick the spot Brandon would have had. Because running like hell and watching your wife burn isn’t a good way to stay at #1.

#3 - Corey Casey
Like him or hate him, Corey wins matches…or at least, he wins Double Cage Horrors. In easily the most competitive double cage horror Corey’s ever competed in, he emerged victorious, adding another tally in the win column for his favorite match. Now, Corey’s in the crosshairs of Chris Matthews…will Corey be the man to end Chris Matthews’s run?

#4 - Ruben Ricardo Leon
A win is a win, no matter how it happens. Ruben may be the most talented individual to have never won a world title, and with Brandon Macdonald long gone, there’s no glass ceiling to hold the Mexican marvel down. Ultimate Glory, Ruben will finally have his chance to grab gold without a bald Canadian stand in his way. Can this finally be Ruben’s moment?

#5 - Tim Patrick
Regardless of his losing streak as of late, Tim Patrick has been proving exactly why he’s a threat in NLWF. Following his loss to Knife to Know You at Majority Rules, Tim went to take Corey Casey to hell and back in the latter’s favorite match. Tim also laid a beating on Knife to Know You, getting his much wanted revenge against the clown. Like the men before him, Tim has a tremendous opportunity this week, and it’s very possible we may be starting the Road to War Games with Tim Patrick as World Heavyweight Champion.

THE FOUNDATION
These five men and women, in no particular order, have also made their presence known. They may not be Pillar of Power material…but they’re certainly ones to keep an eye on.

Flex Rogers
Jason Hawk
Death-Angel
ZIF
Ashley Matthews


Now, to our second event of the evening...




Yes, that’s right! I finally got a picture for my little segment here. SWEET!

It’s dark...it’s wet...it’s spooky...it can bring grown men to their knees…It’s just like my ex-wife. Alcatraz Island! But this week, it was known only as “The location of Battle Behind Bars.” Battle Behind Bars, like a mini-PPV in itself, and a brilliant lead in to Ultimate Glory…shall we take a look?

Introductions! Yes, the beginning of the show! And what a beginning it was.

Do you ever feel like we’re all doomed to keep fighting until every one of us is so beat we can’t possibly throw another punch?

Neither do I…then again, I’m retired, so it’s all good. The same, however, cannot be said for the guys in our opening video. Nick Ridicule, Death-Angel, Jason Hawk, Chris Matthews, Tim Patrick…yeah…those guys.

The announcement that every match will be held in the double cage horror? That’s pretty sick. And we’re into the first match.

ZIF beats Flex…which is surprising, actually. I mean, I like seeing Alison’s tits as much as the next guy…

Well….eh who am I kidding, she’s got a great rack. But still! Dude, Flex, you can’t be letting a good pair of melons cost you a match! ZIF wins the intergender tournament, cool. But…hold on…ZIF WON?! Nothing against the kid, but Flex has really started to show some real promise…and then loses? That’s NLWF for you, I guess. Congrats ZIF, let’s see if he can keep it up.

Cue screw job #1. Gunther now owns FTW…there aren’t enough ’s in the world to talk about this.

Ruben vs. Some guy that should be dead, for some reason isn’t, and really needs to die again.

Oh, thanks Nick. Ruben wins, Stunner gets lynched. Cool beans. Moving on.

It’s pretty much guaranteed Death-Angel will always do something completely random and ridiculous on the show…and this one was no exception! Cue Rachel Ha-

JASON GOT MARRIED?!

Anyway…Death-Angel vs. Jason Hawk. Whoa. Jason manages the first fall by blood, and in typical ETA fashion, he announced himself the “future winner of the match.” FUCK YOU JASON THAT’S MY THING! I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO ANNOUNCES HIMSELF! Fortunately, watching Jason get beat up by the fans and Death-Angel took my mind off it for a bit…

And then he jumped from the top of the watertower. I’ll admit it…I’m impressed. Why are you still walking? And while those two chase each other through the prison, we go on to the next match…

…which really doesn’t take too long. Chris Matthews vs. Knife to Know You. Knife gets a few good shots in, then it’s total Matthews control for the majority of the match. Mark up another decisive victory for Mr. Matthews…and here comes Tim Patrick to pick up the trash. How nice.

Back to Death and Jason. Death-Angel has a bomb, and-

Brandon went to war to fight terrorists…and here we have Death-Angel threatening to blow part of the prison sky high.

Anyone else catching the irony in this?

Jason Hawk is the ultimate ETA. Anyone want to argue, tell it to the woman who might have died, because clearly, Jason doesn’t care. No, scratch that. Not only does he not care…Jason’s willing to blow her up himself!



Anyway…with the threat of Rachel getting killed, Death quits. Jason getting killed, Jason quits…and Jason wins by tossing Death-Angel off a guard tower.

Most people would die from a fall like that…BUT NOT DEATH-ANGEL! Possibly the greatest ending to a match I’ve ever seen, if only because it happened to a guy that deserves it so.

Jason Hawk? You done just got blowed up.

LOL JK he’s alive. WHAT THE FUCK?! And now he’s cursed…which is funny, because I thought that whole “I couldn’t win a match for 6 months” WAS a curse…but apparently he’s been re-cursed.

Welcome to DA CRUSE, Jason.

I still want to know what that red mist is. Did Rachel just have a period out her mouth all over Jason’s face? That’s fucking gross.

And finally…I know? Simple!

Rick Christian’s Recipe for a 5-Star Match
1. At least two solid competitors
2. Two competitors that hate each other
3. Hardcore match stipulation
4. Title on the line
5. Appearance of New OWN

THAT MATCH HAD ALL FIVE!!!!!!1!

Tim and Corey had an absolute war. Seriously. Did anyone expect Tim Patrick to be able to make Corey work so hard for a victory?

Not even your buddies at One World Nation could have predicted that one. But we got involved, in hopes of helping Tim on his way to victory…it didn’t work out the way we thought…But at least we got to hit Corey and Knife EACH with STAR POWER!

Oh, that felt good.

Corey Casey wins in a brutal, yet strangely awesome match. Very nice.

Well, that’s it, show’s over. Brandon didn’t show…

Oh…silly me! Forgot Gunther is taking the Macdonalds’ place. No matter. Nick and Ashley to the rescue! They’ll fuck up Gunther, annihilate him, send a message to Brandon, and WHAT THE FUCK IS COREY DOING THERE?!

Yes…Corey Casey beats the hell out of Gunther, and the Sex Icon wannabe gets crucified. But in the words of the late Billy Mays…

BUT WAIT, CALL RIGHT NOW AND WE’LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER, ABSOLUTELY FREE!

TWO crucifixions?! Oh, the ratings! Anna Macdonald, come on down! Dinosaur-Angel does something right and kidnaps Anna Macdonald, straight from the depths of hell (Canada) and drags her, kicking and screaming, to Alcatraz island. What fun!

BBB: Battle Behind Bars
BBB: Brandon’s Barbecued Bitch

The witch has been burned at the stake.

Dead women tell no tales.

And NLWF is back.

Rick’s Rating: Yes, that’s right. The coveted…the amazing…the UNHEARD OF…

Like a Star @ heaven Like a Star @ heaven Like a Star @ heaven Like a Star @ heaven Like a Star @ heaven

5 Stars! Shocked

Because compared to the other FTW shows, it’s the only one worthy of such a rating.

And now…we switch over to Johnny Electric for our final segment of the show…




Welcome to Shock Value, my own little segment where I take a look at the impact of the week…or perhaps the guy I think we need to keep our eyes on.

The first ever Shocker of the Week goes not to an event…because let’s be honest, we all knew the Duo was going to snuff out the Connection…but to a person…and that person is…

Miss Ashley Matthews.

She’s been around for a year now, but 2010 was a terrible time for this young woman. She’s back together with Nick Ridicule, her boyfriend and father no longer work for the same company, and therefore no longer give each other any problems, and now NLWF is back in full swing. Expect Miss Matthews to make her presence known in the coming weeks. Perhaps not in the ring…but in the corner of Nick Ridicule.

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Rick Christian
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Birthday : 1980-03-14
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